God help the men of serenity
by goneril123
Summary: All the women of the ship of serenity discover they are pregnant and all chaos ensues.  poor boys  Pairings: Mal/Inara Simon/Kaylee Jayne/River Zoe/Wash
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer:I don't own anything except my original ideas.

Angry Email proof read this fan fiction and wrote River's bit.

We are looking for a help want to get better and write better do not condone plagiarism and this is just a take on the very vast first chapter has been fleshed out .Hope you like are in the process of fleshing out the you!

Prologue

(Zoe)

Zoe was pacing the room she and her gorram (beloved) Wash shared. Her time of the month was running late, which was never a good sign, but they were always careful except for the time they were in quite a rush….

Then the full realization hit her.

She was quite possibly going to have that beautiful baby she wanted.  
Zoe looked at the photo of her lovely husband and grimaced wondering how to break the news to him. When the baby came he would pay…or he could pay earlier….The thing was she had always wanted a child and had always asked her husband if he was ready and always got the same response but now that it was happening she could see his point of already felt protective of the child in her belly and she realized she did not want her baobei raised on this gorram ship.

(Kaylee)

Kaylee looked at her new husband happily wondering how she got so lucky.  
She felt that ray of everlasting sunshine in her mind as she thought of her Simon who was so nice and kind to her and loving none the less, despite his initial hopelessness and bad flirting. Suddenly a jolt in the ship made her stomach quiver and sent her running to the bathroom, trying to hold down the bile in her mouth threatening to explode.

She was nearly there and and her volcano like mouth was growing in size when she felt the volcano explode. She kept her eyes closed hoping for the best to see a empty hallway, but no such luck. Kaylee looked up and saw Jayne his favorite t shirt covered in vomit.

She smiled embarrassed and said ''oopsie daisy'' and ran off to make sure the volcano didn't explode on anything else let alone her sweet Simon..After much thought of her and her vomiting history she was puzzled because she never vomited except if...there was only one answer to the riddle because she never puked, she had a little miracle coming.

(Inara)

Inara was the happiest she had been in her life, she was still able to work but not as a full companion, She taught people the art of being a companion. This was a compromise she had devised with Mal when they had acknowledged their feelings for each other after much stubbornness and Inara threatening to leave the ship for.

Her stomach lurched even though she was in her most relaxed state with Mal stroking her hair and her back pulled flush against him and relaxed.

"This has never happened before" she thought as she ran for the bathroom dizziness blurring her vision.

After being sick several times Inara went back into her room and lay down gasping, with Mal who was mumbling in his a realization hit had been taught at the companion training academy that these were symptoms of pregnancy. She gasped and Mal instinctively pulled her tighter against him getting protective.

She felt her rage grow.  
''YOU BASTARD" Inara yelled suddenly and started hitting him with her favorite soft feather pillow that set off a myriad of swear words and the feathers flew around coating the bed like snow.

(River)

River just knew, she didn't understand how or why. But she just knew.

She knew about the others as well, but she wasn't going to tell them that.

River lay in the bed, staring at the ceiling, waiting for Jayne.

Serenity's mercenary entered the room, still covered in Kaylee's puke.

He tried to kiss the crazy girl, on the forehead, but she pulled away, heading for the bathroom.

"Wad-did I Do" Jayne muttered, figuring that either River was just being River or something was up.

Chinese translations

baobei - sweetheart


	2. Chapter 2

God help the men of serenity

Disclaimer:I dont own anything except my ideas

keep reviewing!

Chapter two

(Zoey)

Zoey was still pacing the room wondering how to tell wash she was wash came in looking confused at Zoeys pacing.''whats up sweetie are you ok ?'' he asked in a worried voice because zoey never went up to zoey and held her still with much effort because she was far stronger than with effort pulled her onto the bed to sit down because she was looking a little wanted to distract her so he started talking about his dinosaur which although got Zoeys thoughts off being pregnant to her delight she realised how childish her husband could be in zoning out for a bit she heard him say the well known words that usualy distracted her and turned her on so her husband would get to rip all her clothes off''do you want to me to help you feel beeter?''he asked in a suggestive tone winking at sighed and then lost it''You think that you will get any sex when you have knocked me up and I am going to have to put up with two children in this cabin so no happy time for you because of what you looked shocked over both of the things zoey had said and made a reply in defense''first of all I am not childish men are allowed to have fun emphasis on FUN and don't be mean about my evil and good dinosaurs!''.''SHUT UP'' she yelled while she had a break in the dizziness to slap him.''Domestic violence!''.Zoey had finished puking and went to get some looked at wash with a fake smile and said ''I'm sorry if I do that honey it's the hormones''she finished off bluntly.


	3. Chapter 3

AUTHORS NOTE

This is on hold until I get reviews. I feel like I am wasting my time and that would be stupid. If you like this review it but if I don't get any reviews I won't post anything. One review per chapter.


	4. Chapter 4

God help the men of serenity

Disclaimer;we don't own anything and I owe some of this to angry email for editing this

Chapter 4

(Kaylee)

Kaylee went into the communal room calling Simon's name.

Jayne was rude and promiscuous as per usual by saying "It's Jayne and don't say his name say my name".

Kaylee replied "River will kill you and you know that!"

The statement was gratified when River sent a glare Jayne's way and said, bluntly "No sex,for a week"

to which Jayne replied "Oh man!" and stormed out of the room, came back a few minutes later holding one of his prized shotguns, cuddling it.

Thankfully Simon came in and said "you called me sweetie" then kissed her forehead tenderly.

"I need an examination" Kaylee asked sweetly.

Jayne looked up instantly and said "can I watch" and was rewarded with a glare from River and then continued to hug his big gun, which was surprisingly loaded.

Jayne pouted and said "I'll be in my bunk".River sighed and ran to join him.

After the examination it was proven correct, Kaylee was going to have a little miracle.


	5. Chapter 5

God help the men of serenity

Disclaimer:I own nothing

Chapter 5

(Inara)

Mal was waking up and why? Because Inara was hitting him continuously with a large fluffy pillow and yelling "you bastard!"

He grabbed hold of Inara lightly just enough to stop her but not enough to hurt her. She glared at him fiercely "you bastard you have no idea what you have done to me. I'll be out of work for a year"

"INARA I CANT HEAR YOU" Mal looked confused, thinking that was the appropriate volume, but it seemed there was a different problem when Inara handed him a cotton bud to get wax out of his ears as she yelled again "You knocked me up and I will be out of work for a year!"

"Then just take a year off"

Inara was fuming and steam might has well been coming out of her ears when she said''WE CANT TAKE DAYS OFF LET ALONE YEARS''.Mal winced at her tone. And rubbed his now throbbing ears.

Jayne came in and said "Whats going on we could hear you all the way down the ship"he was followed by River, who glared at him and the great Jayne quaked.

"Are you knocked up Inara" he asked curiously and got a glare from all of them and looked like he was about to flee the room. "Yes I was right" he attempted to go over to the bed and fist punch and was met with a gun.

Inara could see Mal was going to be very protective over here and for some reason she found it endearing somehow. So the secret was out as Jayne went on the intercom and said "everybody Inara's knocked up were going to have a squealing baby on the ship!".

There was hushed silence among the ship and everyone came into the room and glared at Jayne, who looked dumbfounded and replied by saying "what!"


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter Six

AN:sorry for the wait guys so sorry been so busy but I will do a big fanfic writing jag I still; new.

Inara was staring at the fluffy spilling out of the puncture hole from hitting mal then Jayne continuously before and was exhausted from all the hitting and was now staring dejectedly at a pillow.

Mal was rubbing her back soothingly and glaring at Jayne who had had a slap from River, to which he said OW! what was that for and stormed out of the room.

Mal was sick of all this drama on this ship now that he had a baby coming he had to look after 'nara financialy as he would not allow her to work when she had his child in her was also freaking out took a break from rubbing 'naras back and went to the intercom and said sternly as everyone had gone to their cabins to escape the madness that had ensued yelling and screaming was what everyone wanted to avoid.

Everyone nervously shuffled into the kitchen and Mal started off by saying "If anyone else has anything important to say say it now before the ship has a riot."

Kaylee nervously shuffled forward and said quietly "I'm having a little miracle" holding on tightly to simons hand.

The crew was silent and Mal clenched his fists, as if he wanted to punch him as well as Jayne who saw Kaylee as a little sister, his hand inched toward Vera which he had bought for comfort, but he now wanted to shoot Simon.  
River had to wrench the gun out of Jayne's steely hands. Zoe continued the madness by saying i'm knocked up clutched his dinosaurs and then fainted muttering in chinese while he went down, all anyone could catch was something about the mother of god and her apparently wacky nephews.  
River just knew, and said while dragging jayne out said "I am to."


End file.
